While s*x is highly physical for men,
the more mature a man becomes, the more there seems to be to his s*xual
story. So, here are a few reasons he may NOT be having s*x with you.
He is embarrassed about a health issue
Maybe his mind is telling him YES, but
it’s possible things like erectile dysfunction, prostate cancer or
depression, might have his body telling him NO.
Now I’m not saying that his pride and
his unwillingness to get help is an excuse; but I am saying this might
be a key reason and you should work together to make sure everything is
functioning properly. I’ve actually known a wife or two to just go ahead
and set the appointment and then tell him to show up!
He isn’t attracted to you anymore
Okay I know this will be the
controversial point that can be taken the wrong way, but nevertheless
it’s a reality. YES, I know he should “love you for who you are” and
that maybe you gained some weight or had some health issues or any
number of things; but it doesn’t take away from the fact that maybe he
has lost some of the attraction he had for you.
It could also be that the tension
between the two of you emotionally or mentally has caused some divide,
and it’s become harder for him to want to be intimate with you.
The question becomes whether your
relationship is strong enough to survive this reality or whether you are
even able to have this conversation openly and without defensiveness.
Could he really tell you this and offer
some solutions without getting punished in other areas or without being
met with passive aggression?
What if the conversation started something like this:
“Babe, I love you and I am committed to you and our marriage, and I want us to work on being more s*xual again. One thing that is causing a little bit of a barrier is the fact that you’ve continued to put on weight and it’s a little unattractive for me. Now I still want to be intimate with you as my wife, but could we work together on a plan to each become a little more physically fit so we can both desire each other more?”
“Babe, I love you and I am committed to you and our marriage, and I want us to work on being more s*xual again. One thing that is causing a little bit of a barrier is the fact that you’ve continued to put on weight and it’s a little unattractive for me. Now I still want to be intimate with you as my wife, but could we work together on a plan to each become a little more physically fit so we can both desire each other more?”
Okay, I know that sounds good, but most
men don’t think such a conversation will go over well or at least
without the response being nothing short of all hell breaking loose.
“Well if you would just……..then I
wouldn’t look like this; oh and look at you, you aren’t necessarily as
S*-Ex-Xy as you used to be either.”
Is your relationship strong enough to address the deep issues that you may consider shallow?
He’s lost his confidence
For many men, s*x is all about
confidence. If we feel like we are satisfying you then we will want to
keep doing it. On the flipside, if we sense s*x with us is just another
task for you, or if you are not engaged and come across as more worried
about us finishing so that you can get to choir practice, then,
sometimes our confidence goes out the window.
Ladies, I know you think that for us it
is all about an climax but trust me when I tell you a man wants to
satisfy his wife. Fellas, if your confidence is wavering, are you
willing to have that vulnerable and open conversation about why that’s
so? Are you willing to let your wife know what’s going on instead of
just becoming distant or seeking other women to satisfy that confidence
boost? Hmmmm.
He has made it less of a priority
Just like anything in a relationship or
in life, what you focus on is what will grow. If you both get too busy
for one another for an extended amount of time, it becomes difficult to
just turn on the intimacy switch.
Maybe you became engulfed with work and
the kids. Maybe he has made his new project or organization a huge
priority. In the midst of all of this, the shift in energy caused some
emotional division.
Nevertheless, you both have to be
conscious of what’s happening and then go back to making s*x and
intimacy a priority. The longer you let it go, the harder it will be to
get it back.
There’s someone else
Yes, I know no one want’s to hear it,
but sometimes, YES, there is someone else in the picture satisfying the
needs of your mate. This is why I believe that in any relationship you
have to communicate early and often with your mate about any of these
issues.
We must also learn to identify when a
relationship is headed for trouble. That “work spouse” needs to be kept
at a distance so that you can tend to your real wife or husband.
These are just a few reasons that your
husband might not be as gung-ho about s*x with you as you would like.
Men must communicate these things often and women must be open to
hearing the truth.
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